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“I didn’t leave because I think I was stunned and shocked,” she said. I’d seen some of his shows and read excerpts from his book and I was not expecting a bad night at all, much less a violating night and a painful one.” The real human Aziz Ansari was more clumsy than suave, more dork than adorkable, more horndog than heartthrob.But every time Grace did actually articulate she wanted something, he gave it to her.Their text message exchange the next day shows their sharply different perceptions of how the evening went: “It was fun meeting you last night,” Ansari sent on Tuesday evening.“Last night might’ve been fun for you, but it wasn’t for me,” Grace responded. Robin Williams would tell a joke about how God gave men a penis and a brain, “but only enough blood to run one at a time.” Is it really reasonable for Grace to expect Ansari to pick up on her “non-verbal cues” that she was feeling uncomfortable when what he saw was a naked woman giving him a blow job?It would prove to the the first on a long list of times during their date where Grace is unhappy or uncomfortable with something, but doesn’t clearly verbalize it. They walked to a nearby restaurant, had dinner, and then Ansari “quickly” asked for the check, surprising her with his “abruptness” and eagerness to leave.They went back to his apartment, and it quickly got sexual: Within moments, he was kissing her.“He said, ‘Oh, of course, it’s only fun if we’re both having fun.’ The response was technically very sweet and acknowledging the fact that I was very uncomfortable.Verbally, in that moment, he acknowledged that I needed to take it slow.

He’s an adult who has been in the public spotlight for several years and should have known the potential risk if he wasn’t one hundred percent sure she was fine with everything that happened.

They exchanged flirtatious text messages for about a week, and he asked her out to dinner.

Before the date, Grace was “excited” about going out with a “major celebrity.” She took care to pick out her outfit and met him at his apartment, which is described as “an exclusive address on Tri Be Ca’s Franklin Street, where Taylor Swift has a place too.” When she got to his apartment they chatted for a bit and drank some wine, but not the kind she liked.

But is it really fair for Grace to now claim that this was not just “the worst experience with a man I’ve ever had,” but constituted “sexual assault”? This entire story would most likely never have happened if they had waited just a few weeks, maybe even just one or two more dates.

They knew next to nothing about each other, except they both owned the same camera and were attracted to each other. Not that they were going to wait until marriage, but what if they had waited, so that Grace could have gotten to know the real human Ansari and he could have gotten to understand her personality and way of communicating better?


  1. Jan 14, 2018. Lesson from the Aziz Ansari Story Casual Sex Isn't Without Consequences. What do we know? They met at a party and flirted over their similar old-fashioned film cameras. She says he then resumed kissing her, briefly performed oral sex on her, and asked her to do the same thing to him. She did, but.

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