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A good rule of thumb: if you aren’t available for a date within 7 days of sending the message, don’t send it.

The scenario: “I recently received a message that said, ‘Damn you’re a pretty white girl, you into muscular black men?

The author of The Joy of Cybersex, Deborah Levine, had spent several years counseling college undergraduates at the Columbia University Health Education program. Like earlier safe-sex activists, Levine used bullet-point lists to introduce the sites her readers should know and to teach them the language that they would need to thrive on them.

Levine encouraged them to use their computers to flirt, start online relationships, and explore their farthest-fetched fantasies without taking real-world risk. The pages she cited ran the gamut from tutorials for geeks, like to resources for free lovers like the Open Hearts Project and

A lot of you are self-conscious about the fact that you’re on a dating site.

But obviously if she’s on the site too, you’re both in the same boat.

In the interim, using the right expression at the right time was the only way to flirt and bond.

Like The Joy of Cybersex, the first issue of Wired magazine came out in 1993.

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If you really are going away, wait until you get back to ask her out.

Pick something specific she wrote about herself, and ask her a follow-up about it.

If nothing else, she’ll admire the fact that you took the time to “get to know” her.

It contained an article about a woman whose prolific activity in “hot chats” transformed her from a “paragon of shy and retiring womanhood” into a bona fide “man-eater.” The author describes a female friend who spent hours a day in the 1980s on a service called the Source.

He calls her by her handle: “This Is a Naked Lady.” “The Naked Lady egged on her digital admirers with leading questions larded with copious amounts of double entendre,” the piece began.

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