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Racism in gay dating

"People of color who do go on sites and get this attention, they get messages that people are attracted to [them] simply because of their racial features that they view as exotic or something that's different and new — that they can be treated more like objects." Many of the gay men of color who spoke to Louie said his interactions with white men on Grindr have since forced him to change how he operated on the platform."I no longer use Grindr, but when I did, I didn't return any messages from white men. "I get everyone is looking for a fantasy on Grindr, but forcing that fantasy on someone is something different." A random user threw a highly racially-charged epithet (pictured below) at Eliel — a 24-year-old, Latino Atlanta native — while he was browsing Grindr recently.They barely need any explanation: one comments on the other, really.Together they shed more light on the theory/practice schizophrenia of people’s racial attitudes.First we’ll examine messages sent by men to women (I know our gay readers are interested in same-sex versions of these tables, there’s a link to them here and at the end of this post): Finally, here are a couple tables that shed further light on our discussion.These are site-wide answers to a couple user-written match questions.I should say at the top that some of the sample sizes for the various race/gender slices presented here are rather small (for instance, Ok Cupid doesn’t have many lesbians of Indian descent), and that accounts, I think, for some of the scatter-shot nature of the color tables.

In fact, it’s any dating site (and indeed any collection of people) would likely exhibit messaging biases similar to what I’ve written up.

"Because of my ethnicity he, and many other white gay men, deem me to be ugly," Eliel told Even worse than outright racial bias is the reactions people of color receive when attempting to push back against it."When people of color call white people out on racist bias," said Nadal, who co-authored a detailing the impact of white people's reactions to microaggressions, "or racist dynamics in dating, that can often lead to overt bias or prejudice in that people of color are told directly that their perspectives are wrong or they are being overly sensitive and that their reality is not the truth."Getting people to admit to their own biases can be difficult.

"Most people want to view themselves as good people and are hesitant or are in denial that they have racial biases," Nadal said.

See for yourself: As we did last week, we can see that all groups think, theoretically, that interracial relationships are acceptable, yet again whites are the least willing to have such a relationship themselves.

This time it’s the men, not the women, who prefer most to keep to their own: it’s interesting that both in reply patterns and in their answers to these two match questions, the behavior of white straight women and white gay men are so closely parallel.


  1. This dating app is for ‘lovers of diversity’ who are sick of seeing racist trash on Grindr. Confronting racism in the gay community.

  2. How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get Racism is still a thing. it’s any dating site. Gay Asian females are replied to the most.

  3. Percent of black gay men say they have experienced racism in the gay community, according to a survey by gay men's charity GMFA.

  4. This correlation strongly suggests that racial discrimination on gay dating apps can be attributed to racist attitudes and not, as so many maintain, to benign aesthetic preferences. Sexual racism, it turns out, is probably just plain old racism disguised in the language of desire.

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