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Dating a virgin man

One of the reasons why men tend to freak out about the idea of being a virgin – especially being a virgin past college – is that we’ve grown up in the shadow of a cultural narrative that we believe to be law.

The Standard Virginity Loss Narrative tells us that men are supposed to lose their virginity by a certain age – sometimes by age 18, sometimes by 21.

And believe me, it wasn’t much better for the women I tried to date, either.

I hurt a number of people in my quest to get my dick wet and, at the time, I didn’t care.

My bitterness and resentment made me a prime, self-pitying asshole costs. Like many virgins, I was convinced that doing so would be a cheat or would render it invalid. Long story short different (aside from “holy shit I had sex”). I hadn’t been magically cured of all my ills and insecurities.

It only “counted” if I were able to seduce someone with my own skill and charisma. And my first thought – y’know, besides “lets do it again” – was simply: “Shit. ” That confusion I felt was directly tied to an issue I find a of men have when struggling with their feelings about virginity: the belief that losing their virginity is a major milestone after which everything will be different and better. We fetishize virginity in men his virginity on the other hand…

And one of the best places to start is to talk about sex.

Specifically: male virginity and the shame in ages – talking about the shame and pain of being a male virgin.

Today, I want to start the conversation to help dismantle it.

The fear of being “outed” as a virgin becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

They so fear rejection for being virgins that they can’t bring themselves to approach women.

We get the Standard Virginity Loss Narrative burned into our minds early on, reinforced over and over again by pop-culture until we start to believe it’s the TRVTH, carved into stone tablets delivered to us at the base of Mount Sinai.

The story turns our sexual development into a performance, just as masculinity is often a performance.


  1. Sep 29, 2017. But never more than a few with the same person. The only guy I've really liked since university had a girlfriend. There hasn't been anyone I've considered having sex with for a long time, so I feel like I'm not really qualified to say what it's like dating in the modern era when you're a virgin in your twenties.

  2. Sep 1, 2005. But you don't have to date those women again, much less sleep with them. There are all kinds of personalities out there. There are plenty of women who will seriously dig a more passive guy because they want to take the lead. There are also women who will look upon your virgin status with delight.

  3. Sep 30, 2015. You know—the 'empowered' type who thinks a woman is squashed under the patriarchy's thumb if she isn't a cum-guzzling sex maniac who's into rampant infidelity, all-girl orgies with female volleyball teams, anti-male cruelty, and drinking male tears. If a girl told me that she was a virgin but wanted to have.

  4. Nov 4, 2016. The bullshit stigma that you're feeling about your lack of experience—and the narrative of How To Be A Man that tells you you should be knee-deep in pussy right now—is throwing you off. You're letting being a virgin psyche you out and it's giving you a distorted view of what dating is like. Let's take your.

  5. May 30, 2014. The second is that by focusing on being A Virgin – making it part of your identity – you indulge in a form of confirmation bias; you see couples together and immediately assume that they're fucking even though they're on their first date. You dismiss the people who aren't having sex because it falls outside of.

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