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Thankfully, there are loads of 'second' and 'third years' more than happy to show you around. ” is the standard question when meeting a fellow expat. Occasionally, you’ll meet someone who says, “I grew up here”, and you’ll feel a bit like a gatecrasher.

Asking her out Let’s say you meet a charming girl – we’ll call her Sophie – you get on famously and you’d like to see her again.

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Public displays of affection – or PDAs as they are joylessly known – are forbidden in Dubai, and can land both parties in a lot of trouble.

You can chance a cheeky snog in a lift, but you run the risk of the doors opening before your floor, exposing your misdemeanour.

Even the back of a taxi is dodgy ground for kissing.

Either way, matters of the heart can always change the best-laid plans. Once you have picked up the bill – only the most emancipated woman insist on paying their share in Dubai – you may suggest going elsewhere for a drink.

If you hold a personal alcohol license, or habitually break the law, you can invite Sophie to your place for a digestif.

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