You’ve tried to do your best for your friend’s sister, and you’ve already explained (repeatedly, from the sound of it) how her behavior is hurting you; at a certain point, trying to force yourself to continue in this friendship goes beyond fulfilling your original promise and becomes an exercise in self-flagellation.Think of it this way: In a way, you Dear Prudence, Multiple people in my life have a habit that drives me nuts, and I can’t tell if I’m being too sensitive.“Lauren” used to be a boy’s name; that doesn’t mean naming a girl Lauren today is somehow “less correct,” and “Lauryn” is a plausible variation on the standard spelling of the name.If you don’t like her suggestions, you can say, “I don’t like the name Taylor” without resorting to, “How disgusting for our child to share her name with someone who only made it a year into his term before dying from drinking too much iced milk.” I guarantee you that there is at least out there who considers your “special literary names” to be affected and not nearly as unique as you think they are.For my own well-being, I’ll assume you were joking or exaggerating about having contemplated, even for a minute, ending an otherwise loving marriage because your wife thinks “Bethonie” is a cute name.As for what makes a good name, more broadly, “trashy” and “misspelled” are highly subjective categories.
Also her ideas were trashy misspelled names like Lauryn and Bethonie and 18-century presidents’ names like Madison, Taylor, and Polk.
Obviously, I can’t just leave now because I am committed to the child, but how can my wife and I get past this major red flag in our relationship?
I have tried to discuss it with her and she doesn’t even think she has done anything wrong, so we are at a major impasse.
Say “I loved your sister and I was there for her as she was dying.
It’s not OK for you to tell me I wasn’t a ‘good enough friend’ to her.” If she brings it up again, leave.