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You are progressing from a casual encounter in her life to a frequent encounter. Time and time again I see guys advising other guys to turn one night stands into fuck buddies as soon as they can.

This is doable, sure, but I’ve always felt it was the wrong way to go about it.

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This piece is Wagatwe Wanjuki’s first dispatch from the front lines of her romantic life for the #Its Totally Me dating series, which follows Establishment writers Wanjuki and Katie Klabusich as they utilize professional matchmakers and the insights of various experts to get to the bottom of their perpetual singledom. So the response to the inaugural #Its Totally Me post has been overwhelming — but definitely positive!

When I was inexperienced with girls, I used to be hugely judgemental about their sexuality, and fearful within conversations.

Stemming from my neediness, I thought any girl sleeping with another man somehow spoke to my self-worth, and that if I said the wrong thing in conversation then I would lose the girl. I have friends who often profess to be non-judgemental, but as soon as a girl starts talking about her sexuality, they seize up, become defensive, and often go on the attack, questioning her about her motivations.

All of her fucked up little tastes; you’re a fan of all of them.

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Sure, it might, but I think it’s an unimaginative way of looking at it. This means that when you have sex, make sure there’s some kind of story attached to it – you both had sex in an expensive hotel after rampaging through the city, or you had sex on the beach or you had sex in a club toilet or you picked her up on at a house party, bailed and had sex in a park. The point was that it was something out of the ordinary. Back in my early 20’s, I used to spend so much time worrying about whether or not I’d get laid that I would play it extremely safe.When you progress through a connection, you expose yourself to emotions that gradually intensify, and unless you’re callously shut off to them, this is going to complicate your fuck buddy situation.Sex might be a physical act, but it’s an emotional process.The gap in timing counters the inherent neediness that arises in any relationship and keeps it strictly casual.It means you’re still entering each other’s lives, but not with enough frequency to start inevitably confusing the casual, intense sexuality of your first meeting, and allow that to set the tone.If there’s anything in this article you want to go in more depth on, or you just want to get in touch – drop me a message here! @media screen and (orientation: landscape) @media screen and (orientation: portrait) html html, body body input::-ms-clear a a:focus, a:hover ul ul li :focus button, input, select, textarea . PEOPLE LIE TO THEMSELVES about their emotions all the time.Every time somebody says to me that their relationship is “no strings attached”, “casual”, “friends with benefits” or “we’re just fuck buddies”, I always, instead, hear a combination of “I’m not aware of my emotions”, “one of us is more invested than the other” and “this is going to end badly.” Because let me tell me you a secret: Functioning well for short times only, fuck buddy situations are simply the early formation stage of a relationship, with all the fertile ground for development of emotional attachment, but instead of progressing things, it sits in some kind of no man’s land, where more often than not, one person ends up in a position of over attached neediness due to the lack of open communication.Because better relationships are always waiting around the corner. Help me make an impact, and share it on social media.Just click one of the icons at the bottom or top of the page. And make sure to subscribe to never miss a post, or alternatively, like me on Facebook, so you’re always up to date on the latest content.

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