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They help us develop the rhythm of our days and can even shape our goals and our dreams, encouraging us to become who we want to be.Despite their vital importance, though, true friendships in adulthood can be much harder to make and maintain than they were during the golden days of lunchboxes or the late-night camaraderie of dorm rooms. Solid friendships are crucial to your physical—yes, —health.

For better or for worse, friend relationships, or the lack of them, can largely determine our happiness.

If you’re great with your gym regimen but keep putting off having lunch with the person who most makes you laugh, shuffle your priorities a bit. And research suggests we may actually be lonelier now despite having more “friends” than before.

But despite this, many of us spend countless hours every week spinning our wheels within some very superficial friendships, getting caught up in a minefield of bland emails or generic texts or the endless treadmill of social networking. Not only is it harder to make new friends when you no longer have the automatic proximity you had to peers in your school days, but it is common (and natural) to have friendships wither away when life transitions shift the relationship—from a geographical move to a change in job to marriage, kids, retirement, health issues, or divorce.

It can feel very vulnerable to put ourselves out there, fearful that we want friends more than others do.

But here are three truths: 1) Nearly everyone I meet wishes they had more meaningful love and connection in their lives -- what I call Frientimacy, the platonic intimacy of friends.


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