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Dating codependent people

The dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about.

Unlike women, few men discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, have an addiction and/or become numb to their needs and feelings.

In the beginning, a man can feel powerful, helping a needy girlfriend or wife and giving her attention or gifts.

He conforms to her expectations, while being assured that she won’t abandon him, but eventually discovers that it’s never enough to satisfy her.

However, it’s not their wives that are the cause of their problem, it’s their codependency.

Frequently, a woman brings her partner into therapy wanting more intimacy and to get him to be more open and share his feelings.

Often codependent men are attracted to women who are needy, demanding, jealous, or critical.

Men become dependent on their wives’ approval, and then feel trapped by their manipulation, demands, or expectations.

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These codependent men sacrifice themselves and believe that their needs, including the need for time away from their wives, are selfish.Sometimes, these women have mental health issues, are addicted to drugs or alcohol, or are financially desperate.Some men end up becoming workaholics to justify alone time, but their needs for nurturing, respect, freedom, and appreciation, just to name a few, go unmet.Self-control helped you survive, but controlling yourself or others leads to problems later in intimate relationships.Despite the prevalence of codependent women, I see many codependent men in my private practice.Problems of closeness and separateness are typical.Couples may keep a safe distance or take turns pushing one another away to avoid the emotional intensity of becoming too close.There’s a dance that codependent couples do, and it takes two who know the steps.If you think your wife is codependent, there’s a good chance you are, too.Your needs were also ignored if you took on age-inappropriate responsibilities because of an out of control, irresponsible, or immature parent.If there was abuse or addiction present, you probably grew up in an atmosphere of chaos, conflict, strict rules, or unpredictability.

745 comments

  1. BPD's have extreme fears of abandonment issues as do codependents and are awfully afraid of losing you despite your unattractive neediness. Dating a BPD requires many strong factors such as respect, boundaries, knowledge, firmness and much more. The truth is that most people aren't educated enough to handle.

  2. Oct 25, 2014. Sometimes you might feel like your codependent partner is needy and dramatic, but maybe their need for reassurance is why you love them in the first place. They like to cuddle and hold your hand and are always eager to play your favorite roles. But they can sometimes have extreme reactions.

  3. Jul 12, 2017. When you're in a codependent relationship, chances are your friends have expressed some concerns about the person you're dating. Because of that tendency to overly accommodate a codependent partner, you probably got super defensive and ignored their advice — even after the millionth time you've.

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